I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
