I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
