TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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