apparently the secret to your success is patron
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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