On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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