We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
