youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
