Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
