he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
