Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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