I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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