Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize