I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
