I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
