saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Semen is not good for contacts.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
