The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
