I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
