dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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