i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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