I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
