i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
