i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
