Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
