I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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