Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
FUCK WHALES
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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