I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
