So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
