he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
