Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
