The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
