You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
