my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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