Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
