why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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