i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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