she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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