Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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