Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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