it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
