Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
