Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
