so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
