On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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