I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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