My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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