What did we do last night that was yellow?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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