The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
