peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
