I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
