Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
