We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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