plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
