hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
