I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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