I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to calm my uterus...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
