just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
