i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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