Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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