I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
