Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
