I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
