I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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