I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
