woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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