Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
