Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success