If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right