Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.

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(972): He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me. http://tfl.nu/b757

Replies (22) Good night (5137) Bad night (495)
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(503): View more from Oregon

The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

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(503): The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe. http://tfl.nu/ylh3

Replies (42) Good night (5951) Bad night (556)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.

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(651): I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol. http://tfl.nu/cmai

Replies (21) Good night (3606) Bad night (650)
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(516): View more from New York

i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone

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(516): i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone http://tfl.nu/1arh

Replies (5) Good night (920) Bad night (3061)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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(774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r

Replies (3) Good night (4298) Bad night (848)
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(408): View more from California

im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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(408): im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college. http://tfl.nu/q0uk

Replies (12) Good night (7265) Bad night (944)
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(703): View more from Virginia

just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?

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(703): just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately? http://tfl.nu/eqo5

Replies (6) Good night (2258) Bad night (1342)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

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(732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy

Replies (10) Good night (9631) Bad night (1022)
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(914): View more from New York

Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class

(1-914): View more from New York

that is WHY your in summer classes

(914): View more from New York

worth it

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(914): Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class (1-914): that is WHY your in summer classes (914): worth it http://tfl.nu/1hzd

Replies (10) Good night (3859) Bad night (817)
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(940): View more from Texas

I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.

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(940): I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex. http://tfl.nu/o4rj

Replies (11) Good night (1268) Bad night (361)
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(316): View more from Kansas

ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

(316): View more from Kansas

And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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(316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj

Replies (2) Good night (857) Bad night (320)
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(214): View more from Texas

Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight

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(214): Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight http://tfl.nu/391k

Replies (5) Good night (816) Bad night (276)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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(215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1

Replies (10) Good night (1709) Bad night (570)
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(248): View more from Michigan

PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.

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(248): PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW. http://tfl.nu/5tmy

Replies (7) Good night (1002) Bad night (328)
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(269): View more from Michigan

Security deposit gone.

(269): View more from Michigan

burned down garage with fireworks.

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(269): Security deposit gone. (269): burned down garage with fireworks. http://tfl.nu/rlam

Replies (5) Good night (373) Bad night (657)

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