so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I touched a dick in church today