theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?