you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
