Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
