my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.