I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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