ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

  Fav 19 5337 1271

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

  Fav 21 6948 1990

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (903): View more from Texas

  I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

  Fav 13 4988 1127

  share tweet
  

• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.

  Fav 7 3345 1506

  share tweet
  
• 

  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (716): View more from New York

  I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean

  Fav 17 1668 2983

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

  Fav 31 3298 1171

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (209): View more from California

  I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.

  Fav 2 713 1290

  share tweet
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Like it was yesterday.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...

  Fav 5 1393 604

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.

  Fav 5 842 462

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.

  Fav 4 1230 607

  share tweet
  

• (520): View more from Arizona

  No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.

  Fav 4 591 745

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.

  Fav 0 784 385

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,

  Fav 2 338 493

  share tweet
  

• (735): View more from

  I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay

  Fav 1 530 293

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.

  Fav 1 576 259

  share tweet
  

Randomize