somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had to cum in my sink.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
