I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry