I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah