Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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