PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
