So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT