got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..