Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha