Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.