A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
